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Friday, August 29 2014


I often hear from folks that they feel overwhelmed in the area of balancing all of life’s ‘to-do’s and pleasing their spouses.  Whether their marriage is in good shape and they are trying to nurture it, or they are struggling and attempting to change it, taking time to invest in it can be a challenge. The good news is little things we do can often make a big difference!  A smile, a touch, a note, a text, a small gift, or simply a thank you, can have a big effect. These small gestures say “I love/respect you”, “I’m thinking of you” and “I care”.

 

Intentionality in a marriage is a key ingredient, especially in a long-term marriage. It keeps the ‘love alive’, it prevents problems, and it can even help heal wounds that may have occurred.


Now that’s GOOD news and brings us hope because we can do these things with our busy lives. And there is a better chance that your spouse will return in kind. Now that would be a bonus!

 

Author and researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn’s, shares some findings in her book, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages that back this very idea up. She refers to the small steps that keep a marriage happy as the “Fantastic Five”. Here are some suggestions as they relate to men and women.


For Men:

Hold her hand.

Leave a message, text or email and just tell her you love her and are thinking about her.

Put your arm around her, or hand on her knee when you are sitting next to her in public.

Tell her sincerely, “You are beautiful”.

Pull yourself out of your ‘funk’ when you are grumpy, or upset about something.

 

For Women:

Notice his efforts and sincerely thank him for them.

Say to him “You did a great job at________”.

Mention in front of others that he did well.

Show that you sexually desire him.

Show your appreciation for things that he does that make you happy.


 

So start with the little things today- and everyday –

and see how it blesses your marriage and comes back to you.

You will be amazed! 

 

Posted by: Angel H Davis AT 06:01 am   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
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Benefits of Weariness

 

WOW! How weary I am. And so are many of you. I know because I hear your cries: in my office, on the phone, online, in church, at the grocery store, you name it! So much of what I hear from people today is about how tired, weary, and worn-out they feel.

Then again, you may not feel weary;  instead you may feel anxious, depressed, scared, lonely, angry, or any mixture of these emotions. Perhaps these are more your prominent feelings.

 

However you may feel, it’s too easy to look for the source or to find blame: social media; busy schedules; technology; work/family demands; the causes are endless. Of course, these have validity, and we can certainly manage them in more appropriate and successful ways.

 

Yet, as I sit with God today, in my quiet time, and look over my journals, what I see is the benefit of weariness—the benefit of our broken feelings and situations.

 I see, time and time again, over the years (yes, I am rebellious and slow-learning, and God is very, very patient), God working in me and through me, enabling me to receive His antidote to this tough life and all of its problems. 

 

It is so simple; and yet it is so hard.

 

It is HIM: Jesus; always more of Him.

 

“But,” you say, “Angel, I have to know what to do with my children,” or, “Angel, these bills are piling up,” or, “Angel, you don’t have a CLUE of how bad it really is.”

 

And I will say, “You are right, I don’t. And you are correct, these things need to be taken care of.” 

 

BUT FIRST, we have a larger need. Oh, the catch is it doesn’t appear like the larger need. Our core need, before bills, children, purpose in life, change in our feelings, is to be convinced, truly convinced and accepting of God’s love for us and our identity as His children.

 

And your heart and head may rebel like mine did.

 

“BUT, I need to know the answer to my problem.” 

And Jesus says:

“I am the answer.”

“I am so tired.”

And Jesus says:

“I know. Let me restore you.”

“I am afraid.”

And Jesus says:

“I know, and my love will take care of that.”

 

That just doesn’t seem like much; doesn’t seem like enough, when we are about to be evicted or our kids are in harm’s way. That support just doesn’t seem practical enough for our human brains to rest on.

 

Perhaps then we’ve hit on the real source or problem of our weariness: ourselves. You and me believing that if we work hard enough, try enough, worry enough, take enough time to figure it out, talk enough to that person, ignore it long enough—whatever your “enough” is—WE can fix it. The true problem is that it’s all about US!

 

We want to stay in the driver’s seat and be our own savior. Or we look to other humans to be that for us. If we believe our answer lies in us or other humans, we are likely to stay in that “out of control” anxious space, and the weariness or depression or addictions are bound to take over. There can only be one driver in our car of life.

 

The benefit of our struggle is to be wooed into the true solution. Life’s struggles are an invitation to know God more intimately. As we allow Jesus, who is ALIVE, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, to become more real for us, more tangible, as we take Him at His word (Hebrews 13:5), as we choose to focus on Him and His promises, instead of the problems or feelings we are having, then we start to experience the reality of His presence with us.  With this, we begin to experience the peace He promises.


Why? Because our problems have been solved? The bills have all been paid? The feelings change?


NO…  peace comes from HIS presence. And in that place of peace we can see clearer, hear more accurately, and receive wisdom and direction.

 

As we “bend our knee” to Jesus’ love, dare to take Him at His word (John 3:16), choose to look to Him and depend on Him, and keep (John 17) depending on Him, then His life-blood starts to flow through us. It revives us, directs us, and transforms our thinking and feelings. Then life and all of its troubles, which are many (John 16:33), become manageable, doable.

 

Breath comes; rest comes; peace comes.

 

In this place new life springs forth. New ideas emerge and joy is eventually restored.

 

Struggling today? Rejoice in it, because it is calling you back home. Home to His heart of love (Romans 8:38-39), the place of true peace and rest. 

1020 Barber Creek Drive, Suite 203, Watkinsville, GA 30677  ///  706.543.7012  ///  info@angelhdavis.com

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